17 Weirdest Freakin’ Things That Parents Had To Tell Their Toddlers

Recently, We asked parents about the things they can’t believe they’ve had to say to their toddlers, and they came up with some crazy things.

Well, parents chimed in with comments about the seriously random — and totally bizarre — things they’ve had to say to their toddlers, and I’ve thoroughly entertained once again:

1. “We don’t park cars in our vagina.”

2. “Can you please stop peeing in your shoes?!”

—Ann-Marie Burrows, Facebook

3. “My favorite was, ‘Honey, please don’t put your willy in the guitar.'”

—Demi Browne, Facebook

4. “No, you can’t put your sister’s booger up your nose.”

—Jennifer Jordan Berndt, Facebook

5. “Unfortunately, Mummy is all out of farts for today.”

“He was begging me repeatedly to fart!”


6. “Let’s not name your poop after your brother.”

—Kelly Hutton, Facebook

7. “We don’t comb our pizza.”

—Angela Cooley, Facebook

8. “Take that balloon out of your butt!”

—Sara Dobbie, Facebook

9. “No, the sanitary napkins you found in the closet are not ‘big Band-Aids.'”

“This was after he had stripped down to his underwear and covered himself from head to toe with them. He even had one plastered to his forehead!”


10. “I don’t care if that’s how dogs say hello, you do not sniff the doctor’s butt!”

—Angela Cooley, Facebook

11. “Please take Baby Jesus out of your yogurt.”


12. “Stop trying to use your baby sister’s head as a step stool!”

“This was after my nephew dragged the baby bouncer into the kitchen and tried to use it to reach the snack cabinet…with her in it.”


13. “Beetles are friends, not food.”


14. “I had to tell my little twin girls, ‘Stop showing each other your bum holes!'”

—Kelly Powell, Facebook

15. “Don’t lick the inside of the dishwasher.”


16. “Butter does not equal Windex.”

“I had to explain that after I walked past my daughter and she told me, unprompted, ‘I’m not trying to clean my mirror with butter.’ It was high on the list of conversations I never imagined having.”


And lastly, something a mom had to say to her son that came with a truly epic response:

17. “Yesterday, I had to tell my toddler that he shouldn’t push the door open with his penis, and he replied, ‘But why else is it hard, Mummy?!'”

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